Category Archives: Funny

Change?

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Q. How many church-members does it take to change a light-bulb?

A. Change!?! Who said anything about change!!!???!!!

Classic, but not without basis in reality.  This video, recently suggested by the Alban Institute, hits the nail on the head and helps me see that some of my own resistance to change* often comes from an unhealthy place, not from a love for the Lord and His Word.

Dad of the Year

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This is why they don’t often leave us men home alone with the kids.  Things get awesome, violent and we involve rockets.

Ladies: This video shows exactly why you get that feeling of apprehension and foreboding whenever you leave your children with your husband.

Stay Humble, Stay Teachable … Communicating MPH in Theology and Life

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A friend shared this with me, and after laughing myself nearly to death, I had to post it.

Once I regained me senses, two slightly helpful thoughts came to mind.

First – Have you felt like that guy?  I have.  To me something (for example God’s sovereignty in election and the limitations on free will) seems so clear.  Yet when I try to explain it, I see little monkeys dancing around behind the persons eyes.  Be patient, pray and remember that your goal isn’t to be right or to embarrass your friend.  Your goal is to communicate, so back up and try a different angle.

Secondly – Have you felt like that girl?  I have.  To people around me something (for example, how to lead a group of people into a passionate season of prayer that turns them into community changing evangelists) seems so clear.  Yet when I try to live it out, repeat it or even ask an intelligent question, I feel completely out of my depth.  That happened more times than I’d like to admit at a recent pastor’s conference (who was Athanasius again???) and it was a helpful reminder to stay humble.  No one is as smart as they’d like to believe and we all have topics that we haven’t studied.  Learn to listen, stay humble and remain teachable.

Now that the deep stuff is out-of-the-way … humbly watch this hilarity!

(HT Wayne Tedrow)

Quotes Every Geek Should Know

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Geek Dad Blog posted the 100 Quotes Every Geek Should Know.  Just for fun … here are a few highlights:

  • “Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.” — Dennis the Peasant, Monty Python and the Holy Grail
  • “Three rings for the Elven kings under the sky, seven for the Dwarf lords in their halls of stone, nine for the mortal men doomed to die, one for the Dark Lord on his dark throne, in the land of Mordor where the shadows lie. One ring to rule them all, one ring to find them, one ring the bring them all, and in the darkness bind them. In the land of Mordor where the shadows lie.” -LOTR
  • “I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.” – HAL, 2001: A Space Odyssey
  • “Spock. This child is about to wipe out every living thing on Earth. Now, what do you suggest we do….spank it?” — Dr. McCoy, Star Trek: The Motion Picture
  • “With great power there must also come — great responsibility.”  – Amazing Fantasy #15 (August 1962)
  • “If you think that by threatening me you can get me to do what you want… Well, that’s where you’re right. But – and I am only saying that because I care – there’s a lot of decaffeinated brands on the market that are just as tasty as the real thing.” – Chris Knight, Real Genius
  • “We’re all very different people. We’re not Watusi. We’re not Spartans. We’re Americans, with a capital ‘A’, huh? You know what that means? Do ya? That means that our forefathers were kicked out of every decent country in the world. We are the wretched refuse. We’re the underdog.” – John Winger, Stripes
  • “If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.” – Ace Ventura, Ace Ventura, Pet Detective
  • “I’m going to give you a little advice. There’s a force in the universe that makes things happen. And all you have to do is get in touch with it, stop thinking, let things happen, and be the ball.” – Ty Webb, Caddyshack
  • WE APOLOGIZE FOR THE INCONVENIENCE – God (Douglas Adams), So Long, and Thanks for All the Fish
  • “Some days, you just can’t get rid of a bomb!” – Adam West, Batman & Robin
  • “Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.” – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
  • “Heya, Tom’, it’s Bob from the office down the hall. Good to see you, buddy; how’ve you been? Things have been alright for me except that I’m a zombie now. I really wish you’d let us in.” Jonothan Coulton, Re: Your Brains
  • “I must not fear. / Fear is the mind-killer. / Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. / I will face my fear. / I will permit it to pass over me and through me. / And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. / Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. / Only I will remain.” – Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear, Dune
  • “Okay. You people sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we’re not back by dawn… call the president.” – Jack Burton, Big Trouble in Little China
  • “No matter where you go, there you are. ” – Buckaroo Banzai, Buckaroo Banzai Across the Eighth Dimension
  • “Ray, if someone asks you if you’re a god, you say YES!” – Winston, Ghostbusters
  • “Greetings, programs!” -Flynn, TRON
  • “I find your lack of faith disturbing.” -Darth Vader, Star Wars
  • “Hokey religions and ancient weapons are no substitute for a good blaster at your side, kid.” -Han Solo, Star Wars
  • “Try not. Do, or do not. There is no try.” – Yoda, The Empire Strikes Back
  • “It’s a moral imperative.” – Chris Knight, Real Genuis
  • “Well, let’s say this Twinkie represents the normal amount of psychokinetic energy in the New York area. Based on this morning’s reading, it would be a Twinkie thirty-five feet long, weighing approximately six hundred pounds.” – Egon, Ghostbusters
  • “Worst. Episode. Ever.” – Comic Book Guy, The Simpsons
  • “Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!” – Dr. Peter Venkman, Ghostbusters
  • “If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?” – Albert Einstein
  • “Wait a minute, Doc. Ah… Are you telling me you built a time machine… out of a DeLorean?” – Marty McFly, Back to the Future
  • “I’d just as soon kiss a wookiee!” – Princess Leia, The Empire Strikes Back
  • “I know kung fu.” – Neo, The Matrix
  • “I don’t believe there’s a power in the ‘verse that can stop Kaylee from being cheerful. Sometimes you just wanna duct-tape her mouth and dump her in the hold for a month.” – Malcolm Reynolds, Firefly (episode: “Serenity” (pilot))
  • “Would you say I have a plethora of piñatas?” – El Guapo, ¡Three Amigos!
  • “Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!” Vizzini, The Princess Bride
  • “There is no Earthly way of knowing… which direction we are going. There is no knowing where we’re rowing, or which way the river’s flowing. Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a’blowing? Not a speck of light is showing so the danger much be growing. Are the fires of hell a’glowing? Is the grisley reaper mowing? YES! The danger must be growing for the rowers keep on rowing AND THEY’RE CERTAINLY NOT SHOWING ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!!” – Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
  • “Time…to die.” – Roy Batty, Blade Runner
  • “No matter what you hear in there, no matter how cruelly I beg you, no matter how terribly I may scream, do not open this door or you will undo everything I have worked for.” – Young Frankenstein
  • “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die!” -Inigo, The Princess Bride
  • “Redrum.” Danny, The Shining
  • “We’re going to need a bigger boat.” – Chief Brody, Jaws
  • “Oooh, ahhh, that’s how it always starts. Then later there’s running and screaming.” – Ian Malcolm, The Lost World: Jurassic Park
  • “These aren’t the droids you’re looking for.” – Obi-Wan, Star Wars
  • “Take your stinking paws off me, you damn dirty ape!” – Taylor, Planet of the Apes
  • “You maniacs! You blew it up! Oh, damn you! Damn you all to hell!” – Taylor, Planet of the Apes
  • “What… is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?” – Bridgekeeper, Monty Python and the Holy Grail
  • “You don’t have to be a gun.”-Hogarth, The Iron Giant.
  • “Danger Will Robinson! Danger!” – Robbie the Robot, Lost in Space
  • “And I said, I don’t care if they lay me off either, because I told, I told Bill that if they move my desk one more time, then, then I’m, I’m quitting, I’m going to quit. And, and I told Don too, because they’ve moved my desk four times already this year, and I used to be over by the window, and I could see the squirrels, and they were married, but then, they switched from the Swingline to the Boston stapler, but I kept my Swingline stapler because it didn’t bind up as much, and I kept the staples for the Swingline stapler and it’s not okay because if they take my stapler then I’ll set the building on fire…” – Milton Waddams, Office Space
  • “Michael, I did nothing. I did absolutely nothing, and it was everything that I thought it could be.” – Peter Gibbons, Office Space
  • “Now I have a machine gun. Ho ho ho.” – John McClane (in writing), Die Hard
  • “Shall we play a game?” – Joshua, WarGames
  • “Daddy would have gotten us Uzis.” – Samantha, Night of the Comet
  • “It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.” “Hit it!” – Elwood, The Blues Brothers
  • “Make it so” / “Engage” – Captain Picard, Star Trek: The Next Generation

Read the full list here.

What quotes would you add?