Best Dads in Geek Literature

This Sunday is Father’s Day … a day that promises to be filled with bacon, power tools and fishing gear.

As I look through pop culture for examples of dads, I find that it’s an uphill battle.  Homer Simpson seems to set the standard.  Just watch a little Family Guy, Modern Family or Last Man Standing and you see bumbling cliques.  Not really something to aspire to.

Recently I found a list of better role models found in Geek Literature.  (Not Greek.  Geek.  I studied Greek.  I live Geek.) They wrote:

It really is kind of amazing how few good dads there are in geek fiction. In so many stories fathers are absent for one reason or another (death being fairly common), and in so many others the fathers are so emotionally distant they might as well not be there. And occasionally there are the stories where the father turns out to be one of the villains.

So where are the Cliff Huxtables of science fiction and fantasy? The Atticus Finches? You do happen upon dads of those stripes, or roughly equivalent ones, every now and then. Here’s our list of the top 10. (Warning: Possible spoilers ahead!)

10. Kyle Reese — A strange case, to be sure: He only knows his son, John Connor, as an adult, and at that time has no idea that Connor is his son. Despite not ever having the chance to be a real dad during his son’s life, he nonetheless earns his place on the list for literally giving his life to allow his son to be born.

9. Jor-El — He knows that he and pretty much every other inhabitant of his planet is going to die imminently. When he realizes that hope is pretty much lost, he puts all of his efforts into making sure his son survives the cataclysm. He even manages (depending on which version of the origin story you believe) to provide for his son’s education to some degree, making sure that in spite of Krypton’s destruction, Kal-El would have some idea of where he came from.

8. Bill Adama — He’s not the most conventional of parents, to be sure, and we never see what kind of dad he was when Zak and Lee were kids. But we see his anguish over Zak’s death, which he knows was in large part caused by Zak’s desire to follow in his dad’s footsteps. And, though we see his unhappiness with many of Lee’s choices (such as supporting Baltar during the trial), we can still see his pride in Lee’s accomplishments. And the way he becomes a surrogate father to Starbuck shows the tender side of his personality.

7. Mr. Incredible / Bob Parr — He doesn’t start out the movie as a very good dad, to be sure, but he figures it out along the way. By the time the movie ends, the Parrs are a happy family that fights crime together. Plus, y’know, it has to be pretty cool for a kid, knowing for an absolute fact that your dad can beat up, well, pretty much any other dad out there, right?

6. Ray Kinsella — Before anyone starts to claim that Field of Dreams doesn’t qualify for this list, let us just remind you that the story is about dead baseball players coming back to some form of life on an ex-corn field in Iowa — sounds like fantasy to us. You could argue that Ray isn’t the greatest dad in the world, seeing as how he spends a lot of the movie away from home, but the time he spends with his daughter makes it clear how much he loves her and wants to share the things he loves with her. And, given the guaranteed-to-make-grown-men-weepy ending, we had to put this on the list.

5. Arthur Weasley — He’s certainly quirky, and occasionally seems a little clueless, but he’s really a great dad. He’s absolutely loyal and supportive of his sizable family, including continuing to try to redeem his estranged son Percy even when he seems completely lost. Without the benefit of wealth, he and Molly still manage to keep their family going strong even in the face of Death Eaters.

4. Jonathan Kent — He and Martha instill the sense of justice that makes their adopted son into a superhero. Consider the kind of villain Clark might have become if they’d been lousy parents. It has to be a pretty big blow to any guy’s masculinity when your son can pick you up before he’s even out of diapers. Instead of being resentful, though, Jonathan encourages his son to develop his powers, while making sure he’s careful about how he uses them.

3. Sam Vimes — He’s the Commander of Ankh-Morpork’s City Watch (found in Terry Pratchett’s fiction), with a huge list of responsibilities to take care of and (often) fights to fight. Yet, once Young Sam is born he instantly puts reading a bedtime story to him atop his list of priorities, realizing that if he compromises as a dad he might compromise in other parts of his life, as well. If that isn’t being a good dad, we don’t know what is.

2. Ben Sisko (Commander of Star Trek’s Deep Space Nine)— It has to be pretty tough to be a single parent when you have to run a space station and be the Bajoran Emissary of the Prophets at the same time. Nonetheless, Sisko does a pretty credible job of it, raising Jake to be a smart, confident, independent young man. He does end up (literally) vanishing in the end, but since the reason for his disappearance is that he’d just saved the entire Alpha Quadrant (including his unborn second child and Jake) from the Pah-wraiths, that seems forgivable.

1. Geppetto — Without having the slightest intention of becoming a dad, he’s dropped into the job by a magic block of wood. And he certainly rises to the occasion: Despite being broke, he manages to provide for Pinocchio, and he travels all around the world to rescue him. And that’s all while Pinocchio’s still made out of wood.

Also check out Geek Dad’s list of the Top 10 Mothers in Science Fiction and Fantasy,which I posted a year ago on Mother’s Day

Note: This article was originally published on GeekDad on June 18, 2010.

Is There Hope For My Family?

Yesterday we looked at an article from my old prof Richard Pratt and the fact that Proverbs aren’t promises.  I don’t want to set anyone up with a “why try” attitude.  Even though we can’t mathematically predict the outcome of our kids lives (biblical faithfulness + quality time x youth group events = discipleship) we are called to faithfulness as parents.

Today, if you are wondering if you should even try, or if there is hope for your family, let me share a few closing words from Richard’s article.

To understand the hope that the Scriptures offer us, we have to come to grips with some good news and bad news.

The good news is that you cannot be bad enough to ensure God’s condemnation of your family. You might have been the most unfaithful spouse and the worst parent in human history, but you cannot be wicked enough to put your family beyond the possibility of redemption.

The bad news, however, is that you cannot be good enough to ensure God’s blessings on your family. You might be the best spouse and parent that has ever walked on the planet, but you cannot be righteous enough to protect your family from terrible trials and suffering. The future of your family, for good or ill, is in the hands of God.

Without a doubt, we should look to Scripture for guidance in our homes. It addresses the familial responsibilities of men (Eph. 5:25–33; 6:4; Col. 3:19, 21; 1 Peter 3:1–6), women (Eph. 5:22–24; Col. 3:18; 1 Peter 3:7), and children (Eph. 6:1–3; Col. 3:20). It also offers family stories that provide rather obvious guidance. For instance, the relationship of Boaz and Ruth (Ruth 2–4) is as positive an example as David’s adultery with Bathsheba (2 Sam. 11) is negative. We should do our very best to follow all the teachings of Scripture. But we shouldn’t be fooled into thinking that the future depends on us.

…What’s the bottom line?

Do your best to be the kind of spouse, parent, or child God wants you to be, but never take your eyes off of the One who actually holds your family’s future. If things are going well in your home right now, don’t be fooled into thinking that somehow you have made it that way. Look again; your home is broken beneath the surface and able to disintegrate in a moment. So, give God the thanks He deserves and earnestly pray for His continuing mercy in the future. But if things are not going well in your home, don’t give up on the hope of redemption. God delights in showing His amazing saving power through people who have nothing left. Whatever the condition of your family may be, turn to the One who holds the future in His hands and ask Him to honor Himself through your broken home.

The Bible talks a lot about broken homes and we should, too. Rejoice when your family enjoys God’s blessing. Be sympathetic when you become aware of brokenness in other families. There will be times when you will face brokenness in your own family. But you have a God who is also your heavenly Father, and He loves you as a member of His family.

God promises no easy fixes or simple solutions. There are no steps to follow that will guarantee healing and restoration. But your heavenly Father can and does heal families. He can turn mourning into dancing; He can create praise out of despair. He can bind the wounds of the brokenhearted and set free those imprisoned in darkness. God can restore families and use the tragedies that so deeply hurt us now to move us forward in the purposes for which He created us. So call out to Him as your Father, and pray for His mercy on you and your home. Trust in His love for you and never give up. Our Father sent His only Son to die and rise again to forgive our sins and heal our shame. He is our hope in all the brokenness we face in our lives.

(Read the full article here)

Proverbs Aren’t Promises

One of my favorite seminary professors was Richard Pratt.  He taught Old Testament and Theological Integration … and he changed the way I looked at the Bible and doctrine.

I remember him talking about Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” and mentioning that this line was a proverb, not a promise.  I remembered what he said, but didn’t fully remember his line of argument.

That’s why I was glad to run across this article this past week.  Looking at the Proverbs that promise a blessed home life (Proverbs 22:6, Proverbs 20:7, Proverbs 31:10, Proverbs 31:28 and others) and the reality of strong Christian families who walk through brokenness, Richard writes:

Passages like these have been taken as indicating that Christian families experience blessings and loss from God, quid pro quo. We believe that God promises a wonderful family life to those who obey His commands.

Now, we need to be clear here. The proverbs commend certain paths to family members because they reflect the ways God ordinarily distributes His blessings. But ordinarily does not mean necessarily. Excellent wives have good reason to expect honor from their husbands and children. Fathers with integrity often enjoy seeing God’s blessings on their children. Parents who train their children in the fear of the Lord follow the path that frequently brings children to saving faith. But excellent wives, faithful husbands, and conscientious parents often endure terrible hardship in their homes because proverbs are not promises. They are adages that direct us toward general principles that must be applied carefully in a fallen world where life is always somewhat out of kilter. As the books of Job and Ecclesiastes illustrate so vividly, we misconstrue the Word of God when we treat proverbs as if they were divine promises.  (emphasis mine)

Why Do Young People Leave the Church?

Statistics tell us (as does some real-life experience) that young adults between 18-30 tend to wander from the faith … many of whom don’t come back.  Though they don’t always leave for good reasons, it’s important to understand their reasons so that we can communicate to the point of their needs / questions the Good News of Jesus and the value of Christian community.  Their top 6 reasons for leaving are:

Isolationism. One-fourth of 18- to 29-year-olds say church demonizes everything outside church, including the music, movies, culture, and technology that define their generation.

Shallowness. One-third call church boring, about one-fourth say faith is irrelevant and Bible teaching is unclear. One-fifth say God is absent from their church experience.

Anti-science. Up to one-third say the church is out of step on scientific developments and debate.

Sex. The church is perceived as simplistic and judgmental. For a fifth or more, a “just say no” philosophy is insufficient in a techno-porno world. Young Christian singles are as sexually active as their non-churched friends, and many say they feel judged.

Exclusivity. Three in 10 young people feel the church is too exclusive in this pluralistic and multi-cultural age. And the same number feel forced to choose between their faith and their friends.

Doubters. The church is not a safe place to express doubts say over one-third of young people, and one-fourth have serious doubts they’d like to discuss.

—Adapted from a list by David Kinnaman in You Lost Me: Why Young Christians are Leaving Church … and Rethinking Faith

So what do we do?

Kinnaman prescribes intergenerational ministry. “In many churches, this means changing the metaphor from simply passing the baton to the next generation to a more functional, biblical picture of a body – that is, the entire community of faith, across the entire lifespan, working together to fulfill God’s purposes.”

What practical suggestions would you recommend we incorporate at Refuge or your local church?

Sharing the Gospel During the Holidays – 10 Tips

I found this great advice over at DESIRING GOD’s blog.

1) Pray ahead

Begin praying for your part in gospel advance among extended family several days before gathering. And let’s not just pray for changes in them, but also pray for the needed heart changes in us — whether it’s for love or courage or patience or kindness or fresh hope, or all of the above.

2) Listen and ask questions

Listen, listen, listen. Perhaps more good evangelism than we realize starts not with speaking but with good listening. Getting to know someone well, and specifically applying the gospel to them, is huge in witness. Relationship matters.

Ask questions to draw them out. People like to talk about themselves — and we should capitalize on this. And most people only enjoy talking about themselves for so long. At some point, they’ll ask us questions. And that’s our golden chance to speak, upon request.

One of the best times to tell the gospel with clarity and particularity is when someone has just asked us a question. They want to hear from us. So let’s share ourselves, and Jesus in us. Not artificially, but in genuine answer to their asking about our lives. And remember it’s a conversation. Be careful not to rabbit on for too long, but try to keep a sense of equilibrium in the dialogue.

3) Raise the gospel flag early

Let’s not wait to get to know them “well enough” to start clearly identifying with Jesus. Depending on how extended our family is, or how long it’s been since we married in, they may already plainly know that we are Christians. But if they don’t know that, or don’t know how important Jesus is to our everyday lives, we should realize now that there isn’t any good strategy in being coy about such vital information. It will backfire. Even if we don’t put on the evangelistic full-court press right away (which is not typically advised), wisdom is to identify with Jesus early and often, and articulate the gospel with clarity (and kindness) as soon as possible.

No one’s impressed to discover years into a relationship that we’ve withheld from them the most important things in our lives.

4) Take the long view and cultivate patience

With family especially, we should consider the long arc. Randy Newman is not afraid to say to Christians in general, “You need a longer-term perspective when it comes to family.” Chances are we do. And so he challenges us to think in terms of an alphabet chart, seeing our family members positioned at some point from letters A to Z. These 26 steps/letters along the way from distant unbelief (A) to great nearness to Jesus (Z) and fledgling faith help us remember that evangelism is usually a process, and often a long one.

It is helpful to recognize that not everyone is near the end of the alphabet waiting for our pointed gospel pitch to tip them into the kingdom. Frequently there is much spadework to be done. Without losing the sense of urgency, let’s consider how we can move them a letter, or two or three, at a time and not jerk them toward Z in a way that may actually make them regress.

5) Beware the self-righteous older brother in you

For those who grew up in nonbelieving or in shallow or nominal Christian families, it can be too easy to slide into playing the role of the self-righteous older brother when we return to be around our families. Let’s ask God that he would enable us to speak with humility and patience and grace. Let’s remember that we’re sinners daily in need of his grace, and not gallop through the family gathering on our high horse as if we’ve arrived or just came back from the third heaven. Newman’s advice: “use the pronouns ‘we’ and ‘us’ far more than ‘you’” (65).

6) Tell it slant

Some extended family contexts may be so far from spiritual that we need to till the soil of conversation before making many direct spiritual claims. It’s not that the statements aren’t true or desperately needed, but that our audience may not yet be ready to hear it. The gospel may seem so foreign that wisdom would have us take another approach. One strategy is to “tell it slant,” to borrow from the poem of the same name — to get at the gospel from an angle.

“If your family has a long history of negativity and sarcasm,” writes Newman, “the intermediate step of speaking positively about a good meal or a great film may pave the way for ‘blinding’ talk of God’s grace and mercy” (67). Don’t “blind” them by rushing to say loads more than they’re ready for. As Emily Dickinson says, “The truth must dazzle gradually / Or every man be blind.”

7) Be real about the gospel

As we dialogue with family about the gospel, let’s not default to quoting Bible verses that don’t really answer the questions being asked. Let’s take up the gospel in its accompanying worldview and engage their questions as much as possible in the terms in which they asked them. Newman says, “We need to find ways to articulate the internally consistent logic of the gospel’s claims and not resort to anti-intellectual punch lines like, ‘The Bible says it, I believe it, and that settles it.’”

Yes, let’s do quote Bible when appropriate — we are Christians owing ultimately to revelation, not to reason. But let’s not make the Bible into an excuse for not really engaging with their queries in all their difficulty. (And let’s not be afraid to say we don’t know when we don’t!)

8) Consider the conversational context

Context matters. It doesn’t have to be face to face across the table to be significant. “Many people told me their best conversations occurred in a car — where both people faced forward, rather than toward each other,” says Newman. “Perhaps the indirect eye contact posed less of a threat” (91). Maybe even sofas and recliners during a Thanksgiving Day football game, if the volume’s not ridiculous. Be mindful of the context, and seek to make yourself available for conversation while at family gatherings, rather than retreating always into activities or situations that are not conducive to substantive talk.

9) Know your particular family situation.

In some families, the gospel has been spoken time and again in the past to hard hearts, perhaps there has been a lack of grace in the speaking, and what is most needed is some unexpected relational rebuilding. Or maybe you’ve built and built and built the relationship and have never (or only rarely) clearly spoken the message of the gospel.

Let’s think and pray ahead of time as to what the need of hour is in our family, and as the gathering approaches pray toward what little steps we might take. And then let’s trust Jesus to give us the grace our hearts need, whether it’s grace for humbling ourselves enough to connect relationally or whether it’s courage enough to speak with grace and clarity.

10) Be hopeful

God loves to convert the people we think are the least likely. Jesus is able to melt the hardest of hearts. Some who finished their lives among the greatest saints started as the worst of sinners.

Realistically, there could have been some cousin of the apostle Paul sitting around some prayer meeting centuries ago telling his fellow believers, “Hey, would you guys pray for my cousin Saul? I can’t think of anyone more lost. He hunts down followers of The Way and arrests them. Just last week, he was the guy who stood guard over the clothes of the people who killed our brother Stephen.” (53)

With God, all things are possible. Jesus has a history of conquering those most hostile to him. We have great reason to have great hope about gospel advance in our families, despite how dire and dark it may seem.

When We Fail

And when we fail — not if, but when — the place to return is Calvary’s tree. Our solace in failing to adequately share the gospel is the very gospel we seek to share. It is good to ache over our failures to love our families in gospel word and deed. But let’s not miss that as we reflect on our failures, we have all the more reason to marvel at God’s love for us.

Be astonished that his love is so lavish that he does not fail to love us, like we fail to love him and our families, and that he does so despite our recurrent flops in representing him well to our kin.

Motherhood is “Transforming”

I recently read an article at Desiring God’s Blog that I found helpful … both for mothers and for fathers.

If I had to pick one word to describe motherhood, I think that word would be “transforming.”

The days of a busy mother are made up of millions of transformations. Dirty children become clean, the hungry child fed, the tired child sleeping. Almost every task a mother performs in the course of a normal day could be considered a transformation. Disorder to order, dirty clothes to clean, unhappy children to peaceful, empty fridge to full. Every day we fight against disorder, filth, starvation, and lawlessness, and some days we might almost succeed. And then, while we sleep, everything unravels and we start again in the morning — transforming.

Days of these little cycles add up and suddenly you see a big transformation. A nursing infant has become a boy on a bicycle, a baby bump has grown into a toddler, and children have been changed into brothers and sisters.

Then there is the kind of transformations that we do — not because we work at it, but because we were created to do it. You eat your lunch, and your body transforms it into nourishment for a baby. Taking something too big for an infant, and still finding a way to feed them with it — with the goal of growing them up to do it themselves.

Pregnancy and nursing are only a small part of a child’s life though — and this cycle is clearly not only a physical one. It is the spiritual cycle of food that is so much more important, and so much less talked about. Christian mothering is a constant cycle of nourishment — both physical and spiritual.

We Apply What We Believe

In the same way we take the food we eat and make it into something the baby can eat (and our bodies simply do this without us willing them to), so we take what we believe about God and the gospel and faith and life, and we apply it in the places that seem too little for it.

Imagine yourself in your kitchen trying to make dinner for a group of little kids who are tired and should have eaten a half hour ago. Imagine that things are going wrong beyond that — maybe you are out of something you assumed you had, children are fussing with one another, and maybe your littlest is still at the age where they come stand on your feet and pull on your pant leg. Bonus points if you are wearing maternity pants and this little person is actually capable of pulling your pants down. You are hot, you are tired, and you are sick of it.

This is no time for a gospel presentation. There isn’t time. There isn’t anyone to lead the discussion around the felt board, because you are still scrambling to figure out dinner. This isn’t a time for a gospel presentation because it is a time for gospel application. This is a time to take the grace that God has extended to you, and feed your children with it. Apply what you believe about God’s mercy and kindness and long suffering towards us, and pour it out to them — in a form they can believe in. Unrest like this is just like a baby crying for a bottle — only what they need is spiritual milk. They need you to feed them, not with a lecture, but with application.

You Have Everything You Need

The good news is, you don’t need to have been through some elite mother’s training camp to apply the gospel in your life. You need to believe. Trust God, give thanks. Laugh. Believe — and that will feed your children. Rest in God, and your children will learn to. Extend God’s kindness to you, to them. Forgive them the way God forgave you. You have everything you need to spiritually nourish your children, because you have Christ.

Mimic the Gospel

Of course, this side of heaven we will not do perfectly. …As you go about your daily transformations, set your heart on the truth. Mimic the gospel in what you do. Bring peace, bring order, bring joy, bring laughter. Bring it because it was brought to you. Give, because it was given to you. The gospel is not too big to fit into little situations. It is too big not to.

Read the whole thing and learn bout the author here.

Happy Mother’s Day

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day, so I thought you’d enjoy this list of things our mothers taught us:

• My Mother taught me LOGIC: “If you fall off that swing and break your neck, you can’t go to the store with me,” as well as, “If everyone else jumped off a cliff would you do it, too?”
• My Mother taught me MEDICINE: “If you don’t stop crossing your eyes, they’re going to freeze that way.”
• My Mother taught me TO THINK AHEAD: “If you don’t pass your spelling test, you’ll never get a good job!”
• My Mother taught me TO MEET A CHALLENGE: “What were you thinking? Answer me when I talk to you…Don’t talk back to me!”
• My Mother taught me HUMOR: “When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don’t come running to me.”
• My Mother taught me how to BECOME AN ADULT: “If you don’t eat your vegetables, you’ll never grow up.”
• My mother taught me about GENETICS: “You are just like your father!”
• My mother taught me about my ROOTS: “Do you think you were born in a barn?”
• My mother taught me about the WISDOM OF AGE: “When you get to be my age, you will understand,” or, “I will explain it all when you get older.”
• My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION: “Just wait until your father gets home.”
• My mother taught me about RECEIVING: “You are going to get it when I get you home.”
• My mother taught me RELIGION: “You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”
• My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL: “If you don’t straighten up, I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”
• My mother taught me FORESIGHT: “Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you’re in an accident.”
• My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS: “Shut your mouth and eat your supper!”
• My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM: “Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck!”
• My mother taught me about STAMINA: “You’ll sit there until all that spinach is finished.”
• My mother taught me about WEATHER: “It looks as if a tornado swept through your room.”
• My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY: “If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a million times: Don’t exaggerate!”
• My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out.”
• My mother taught me BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: “Stop acting like your father!”
• My mother taught me about ENVY: “There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don’t have wonderful parents like you do!”
• And the all-time favorite thing my mother taught me, JUSTICE: “One day you will have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you. Then you’ll see what it’s like! I can’t wait!”

(Via Michael Duduit)

Parents – Step Up & Step In

How many interviews did I give and say, ‘You know what’s important between me and Miley is I try to be a friend to my kids’? I said it a lot. And sometimes I would even read other parents might say, ‘You don’t need to be a friend, you need to be a parent.’ Well, I’m the first guy to say to them right now: You were right. I should have been a better parent. I should have said, ‘Enough is enough–it’s getting dangerous and somebody’s going to get hurt.’ I should have, but I didn’t. Honestly, I didn’t know the ball was out of bounds until it was way up in the stands somewhere.” – Billy Ray Cyrus, who says his daughter Miley Cyrus’ Disney show “Hannah Montana” “destroyed” his family. (GQ Magazine via CBS News)

Sometimes its hard to remember that celebrities are people who need Jesus.  Instead of making fun of Billy Ray & Miley (and trust me…there’s plenty of material), we can take a note from him on parenting.

The Bible commands dads (though I think this could be applied to moms too)…

…do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. – Ephesians 6:4 ESV

The follow this, we have to step up and step in.

Stepping Up means taking responsibility and authority in your children’s lives.  I know that we can’t change our kids hearts and that only God can save…but I also know that Solomon was saying something faithful when he wrote, “Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)

Many parents focus on minor goals in life.  They want their kids to get into a good school.  They want their kids to succeed in sports.  They want their kids to love them.  They want many good and important things for their kids … but the BEST thing is for their children to love and follow Jesus.  If we set our goal on anything sort of that, we could win many impressive battles but lose the war.

That means we have to step up our own game when it comes to following Jesus.  Is prayer a passion in your life?  What about worship?  Do you serve?  Do you study?  Do you share your faith?  Do you have real community with other Christ-followers?  If they don’t see these things in you, they probably won’t have them in their own lives.

It’s great to have kids play sports, but if you constantly miss worship services to accommodate a busy athletic schedule, what values are you teaching your kids?  When they do accomplish something big at school or in a game, what do you celebrate?  Do you celebrate their accomplishments, or do you try to point out elements of Christ-like character that worked in them during the contest?

Stepping up also means that you will accept your responsibility as parent.  Billy Ray Cyrus laments that he settled for being a friend when his daughter really needed a dad.  When you lead your kids, they will probably be frustrated with you.  There may be tears and angry words.  Remember, you’re their parent.  You have nothing to lose and everything to gain … so stick with it.  Use grace, watch your own heart for elements of pride or anger … but hold true to the course.  Your kids deserve it.

Let me caution you … you can’t really step up in parenting unless you also STEP IN.  Stepping In means that you get involved in your kids lives.  Listen to them.  Find out what’s happening in their world and in their hearts.  Serve in places where they are involved.  2 Samuel 12-18 shows a dad (King David) who refused to step into the lives of his children.  Even when his kids walked through rape, murder, sexual harassment and soul-tormenting violence, David stood on the outside.  The results were disastrous for him and his kids.

Almost every night, when I tuck Tahlia in, I ask her how her heart is.  Then I listen!  I listen to the drama happening between friends.  I listen to the same stories about teachers, homework and recess.  Now that she’s getting a little older, I schedule a weekly breakfast at Starbucks.  We sit and laugh and talk and play … but there is a time in every breakfast when I do my best to step in and ask about her heart.  In the most recent one, I had to listen as she explained that the #1 person who had hurt her heart was me.  I listened to some words that didn’t feel fair, words I could have argued with … but words that meant the world to her.  When she was done, I stepped in with a hug and apologized.  (Part of stepping up as a leader in my family means that I’m the first to confess my sins and seek repentance.)

What are you doing to Step Up and Step In with your kids?

Leading Family Worship

One of the biggest struggles people have is about how to incorporate devotions into the life of their family.  People seem to bounce between legalistic fervor and passive inaction.  Even in my own family, though we all encourage each other in our personal habits of prayer and study, there is not as much “together around Jesus” time as I’d like.

Recently, Desiring God hosted a Pastors Conference on prayer, and one helpful session focused on family devotions.

You can listen to or watch the talk here.

The following are a few highlights:

• Our God is a family God. He is a Triune God. He has an inter-trinitarion relationship. He deals with families throughout the Old Testament and the New in the terms of Covenant and into Representative Headship.
• Family worship requires some preparation. Have your Bibles ready, and maybe an additional book — a devotional. Choose some Psalms and Hymns that are easy to sing.
• Don’t make Family Worship too long and provoke your children. Maybe 10 minutes in the morning and 20 minutes at night.
• Maybe you lost your temper a few minutes ago and you are in no mood to do family worship. A.W. Pink says this is all the more reason to do family worship. Confess your sins immediately and move on in worship. Your family worship will even have more meaning to you that night.
• Lead your Family Worship with a firm fatherly hand and a soft penitent heart. Talk naturally yet reverentally with your children.
• Involve the whole family in the reading, as soon as your children can read. Even before they can read, give them a Bible. If you have 20 verses to read and you have 5 people in your family, each reader should take 4 verses.
• In your instruction be plain in meaning, pure in doctrine, relevant in application, and affectionate in manner.
• Be short in your prayers when your children are young: 3-5 minutes when your children are young, 7-8 minutes when your children are older. Be simple in your prayers without being shallow. Be direct in your prayers, naming your children by name and spread out their needs one by one before God.
• God often uses family worship and devotional life to save souls.
• Family worship helps to promote family harmony in sickness, sadness and death. It creates a context to speak about things. If you can speak about intimate, sacred and tender things, then you can speak about anything throughout the day.

Families and Porn Sunday

This weekend at CGS is National Porn Sunday.  As a father, one of my biggest challenges will be helping my daughter navigate these issues.  A few days ago I posted an article on what to say when your kids ask about porn. Today I’d like to offer some resources for families.

First, look at your own life.

• Is there any pornography in the home? Are you or your spouse looking at Internet porn online or do you have any pornographic videos or magazines?
• Have you talked to your kids?
• Initiate a conversation with your kids. Take some time to listen and create a nonjudgmental environment for your kids to open up to you.
• Are you seeing what they’re seeing?
• Take time to watch your kid’s online behavior.
• Look at what sites they are looking at. Are they using file-sharing applications like Limewire or Kazaa? Do a search on your computer for images or videos and see what you find. Don’t bury your head in the sand! Take time to be interested in this problem.

Next, What Will You Do To Help Them Get Free or Keep Them Free of This Addiction?

After evaluating the situation, did you find that they need help? Talk to a counselor today and begin to formulate a swift and specific plan. Don’t react, but do act.

Contact your church or any of the resource agencies listed in the PornSunday manual.

Remember, you are the most effective weapon in dealing with pornography in your child’s life. Don’t be the parent that says:
• “My kid wouldn’t look at nude pictures on the web.”
• “My house is safe because we have filtered Internet.”
• “My little angel only chats with friends online and would never talk to a stranger.”

If you want to successfully deal with this problem in your home, it will require significant involvement in your kids (Internet) lives–-including asking the tough questions, and discussing the dangers. We realize talking about pornography is just as hard as talking about sex, but it is time to get out of your comfort zone. Your kids are worth it.

Finally, Browse Smart

• Keep your kids computer in the family room, so you can see the screen.
• Be there when they are online … never have a computer with Internet access in a kid’s room.
• Use child friendly Search Engines like Yahooligans or Ask Jeeves Kids or at least turn on the “Adult content” filter when using Google (click on “Preferences”).
• Don’t assume all child friendly search engines to be 100% safe. There have been instances of some porn sites advertising porn even on “safe” sites.
• Regularly check the history folder on your browser as it contains a list of recently visited sites. It is easy to accidentally stumble across pornography, especially as many porn sites use innocent words in their addresses so, don’t jump to conclusions if the history folder has a porn site in it. If you discover many sites that have been opened, your child may have a problem.
• Unwanted e-mail (SPAM) is very popular with online porn companies. Never reply to unsolicited emails or unsubscribe from receiving further emails, as these actions will only confirm that the email address is in use.

If you need more help, contact us at CGS, or contact xxxchurch.com

(Based on resources from xxxchurch.com)