…Actually, it’s the absence of YOU that is the biggest threat to young people. It’s not drugs or alcohol. It’s the lack of positive adult mentors in their life, and I see it with every at-risk teen I work with.
At least that’s what Josh Shipp, author of The Teen’s Guide to World Domination. Josh has worked with over two million parents and teens, and has some great insights for us. He writes:
A teen with a mentor is 46% less likely than their peers to start using illegal drugs. I wholeheartedly believe every student is ONE mentor away from being a success story. This flip side, of course, is every mentor is ONE student away from being a success story. Mentors and students need each other. The student needs an example to follow. The mentor needs the motivation to be a good example. God designed it this way. Leadership is best applied in relationship.
People have always sought to learn from those who were more experienced or more knowledgeable. …People develop best with formal relational leadership.
Consider this: personal life coaching is a $1.5 billion dollar a year industry, and it’s growing rapidly. Why? Because there is a lack of mentorship in our country, and people are so desperate for it they are willing to pay. I’ve hired life coaches myself, and can be effective for highly-targeted breakthroughs. The problem is, hired guns aren’t truly invested in my life. What life coaching is to mentoring, prostitution is to real love: a degrading substitute for the real thing.
…Youth cannot reach their potential through the influence of peers. They best mature through the influence of older, wiser, and more experienced mentors. If generational segregation was the start of the moral downfall of youth culture, than re-connection through formal mentorship is the logical solution to empower youth against the curse of low expectations.
Here are the four structural components of a vibrant mentoring relationship you can use with a young person in your life:
1. Mentoring works best with formal structure. Truthfully, we adults can be flaky, forgetful and busy, but students can be especially undependable. That is why formal structure is a non-negotiable for me. I like to design a formal mentoring structure that promotes informal relationship.
2. Mentoring works best when done weekly. The old adage that says, “you get out what you put in” rings true with mentoring. If you plan on mentoring a student once a month, you will get a quarter of the impact compared to a weekly meeting. Students need weekly interaction in order to keep you updated with their rapid-changing life. If you can’t do a face-to-face each week, make yourself available via phone or email for real-time conversation. The more at-risk the student is, the more interaction they need to stay accountable to making healthy choices. Daily accessibility helps you stay connected with the student during the fragile “in-between gaps” of the week.
3. Mentoring works best through activities. Students reject clinical environments. They are not interested in therapy sessions; they are interested in friendship. It’s in the best interest of the mentor to discover what the student loves to do and create activities with that in mind. …Watching a movie or playing video games are not ideal. Playing ball, fishing, helping with homework, etc., are activities that provide moments of significant conversation. Be purposeful with every encounter by having at least one thought-evoking and one thought-provoking question that will encourage thinking. An evoking question is designed to draw something out, like, “What problem is in your life right now that you could use help solving?” A provoking question is designed to give a new idea, like, “Would your home-life be more peaceful if you spoke to your mother respectfully?”. Write these questions down in advance and show up prepared to mentor.
4. Mentoring works best with a goal. It is important that we teach young people how to set goals, work hard, and accomplish something. This skill alone could save their life in the near future. I always encourage the mentor to ask the student, “If I could help you accomplish something in the next three months, what would it be?” No matter how trivial the goal might seem, you have a huge opportunity to take them through the logical process of goal setting and planning. This positions you as their supporter and gives you both a project to work on together. The goal may be to get a bully to stop teasing, asking a girl to the school dance, or passing a math exam. Whatever seems important to them is what you should work on.
Towards the end of His life, Jesus commissioned His followers to “go and make disciples.” The Creator of mankind understood that the best way to help others grow is through the exchange of truth and life. His formal process included an initial call to follow, a clarification of expectations, and a commitment to finish whatever project is started. I am convinced that we MUST respond to His commissioning and follow His example. When we do, we discover what He was trying to teach His followers: more time with less people equals greater impact. I pray that you, too, will answer His call to invest in the next generation. Our future depends on it.
(read more in the article Mentoring: The Ancient Solution for Future Generations on Don Miller’s blog)
